Cabernet Sauvignon

Pagi masih terlalu dingin, kutarik kembali selimut merah maroon favoritku dan kembali kurebahkan badan ini di atas California King Bed yang sudah tiga tahun menemani tidurku. Ah indahnya minggu pagi, batinku. Ada aroma hujan yang wanginya menggegerkan otakku untuk kembali mengenang   sebuah momen masa lalu, you name it ‘Petrichor’ . Masih bersama aroma petrichor , momen dimana aku masih disibukkan dengan tugas-tugas kantor dan deadline yang membuatku benar-benar ‘feeling dead’. Yah, it was me. Seorang workaholic   yang pada saat itu buta akan prioritas. Apakah aku yang terlalu mencintai pekerjaanku ataukah semua itu hanya sebuah cover atas nama keegoanku semata? Atau mungkin saja target kehidupanku terlalu unrealistic, mungkin iya bagi beberapa orang. Tapi bagiku hidup harus luar biasa, harus besar dan luas serta tidak terbatas. Yah mungkin disitulah kesalahanku, aku sendiri bahkan tidak paham dengan batasan sehingga hal itulah yang kemudian menjadi boomerang dalam keh...

Seperti biasa, aku sedang menulis diary di atas setir Ford Fiesta 2014 berwarna abu-abu itu dan tentu saja dengan alunan musik yang menyerupai suasana pub . Bedanya, aku hanya meneguk sekaleng soda, tidak ada Bourbon, Merlot, dan minuman beralkohol sejenisnya. Dear Diary, It’s been a long time, Ric. I can’t even handle this. Please, be home soon. Mom was gonna die missing you during this summer. With Love, Sister Seriously? Aku harus mengajar mata kuliah ini lagi? For three times? Aaaaaahhhhh, sial. Aku mengumpat melihat buku agenda mengajarku. Di sana tertulis dengan coretan tangan yang sangat tidak rapi : Mikrobiologi Molekuler kelas F, J, dan L. Nope , aku bukan dosen tetap. Belum. Aku hanya mahasiswa pasca sarjana yang secara tidak sengaja sering bergabung dengan tim peneliti di laboratorium dan entah sejak kapan aku direkrut menjadi dosen bantu di almamaterku. Dan aku juga dipercaya untuk menangani beberapa mahasiswa sebagai dosen wali mereka. That was a hal...

Dear Diary, It’s 2 nd November 2015. It’s supposed to be my scary day anyway. But, I want to tell you something I really feel pain in. It has been two days. I got super dizzy over my head. I took some pain killer. I took some blood supplement. I took it anyway but it’s not work. So, last evening. Sunday, 1 st November 2015. I asked my best Jazzy to walked around with me. Like always. To looked for some fun evening with Iced Cappuccino over our hand. We talked about the job, the people who always screw our life, the people we’ve been before that we don’t want around anymore, and the life’s change. Remembering when we first meet at the college. When our embrace glance start everything. And it’s been four years since then. Actually I was surprise on how Jazzy saw me in the first time. She though that I’m good. I mean I’m perfect. Always in a great appearance and the best mood all of the entire day. And of course super smart. I was laughing at her over and over again whe...

Dear Diary, October 2015 I don’t really know about all this things. I cried for hours last night. Hoped for the best of this fucking life. What if I’m begging You to stop? But, I’m not a quitter. Maybe I just need some valium or even more vervein. I really need that but I know someone who know me so well will never let me do that (anymore). But, this condition is so confusing me a lot. I was just surprise that my life is full of rejection. Even, it’s comes from the one who should take care of me. And, another version of reality, I stuck there. Can’t move faster cause there’s something inside me hold me so tight. Hold my soul.  I just wanna running away from You. but, you stay closer every single time while everyobody else is just laughing at me   because I’m becoming crazy day after day. I can’t fight this things anymore. How many times I should say or even scream over your ear about my feeling? I’m done with this, Dad. I’m done. Malam itu, seperti biasa...